Where do you keep your basil?

“Will you go into the bathroom and grab some basil?”

Misunderstanding your spouse is a common occurrence. It is especially common with my spouse.

Misunderstanding your spouse in front of company is embarrassing. It is especially embarrassing when it’s in front of dinner company.

As a professional communicator, I pride myself on clear communication. Knowing I’ve misunderstood my spouse in front of our friends as we sit down to a meal, I seek clarification.

“What the hell did you just ask me to do?” (I don’t always succeed at polite clarification).

“Go. Into. The. Bathroom. And. Grab. Some. Basil.” 

That was pretty clear.

Since I heard exactly what was said, a clarification of words wasn’t necessary.

What was needed was a clarification of meaning.

Contrast that with a recent event when I was talking to a stranger who was bragging about her smart son graduating from college with the distinction of (and I quote), “Open kimono or something.”

Funny thing is, I knew exactly what she (the woman I had just met) meant.

A clarification of words might have been in order, but a clarification of meaning wasn’t necessary. I mean, I clarified just for my own curiosity, just in case there was some university hosting kimono-clad students flashing families at graduation instead of awarding less-revealing magna cum laude distinctions.

I’ve been on the outside looking in on miscommunications as much as I’ve been inside as a part of the miscommunication.

When communication is flowing smoothly and accurately, I don’t appreciate the effortless precision of message dissemination.

When word choice, body language or misplaced context reroute information to the land of miscommunication, trust, productivity, teamwork and problem-solving all take a hit.

Have you ever been there? Hearing the words without fully understanding the message of the words?

The simple solution is to seek out clarity, whether you’re convinced you know what’s being said or you have many questions about what’s trying to be conveyed.

That means verifying that open kimono does indeed mean magna cum laude.

That also means finding out what kind of coded directive is hidden by grabbing some basil in the bathroom.

I had heard exactly what Jen asked. I just didn’t comprehend what she had asked.

For the sake of my marriage, I did what I was told and went into the bathroom and saw the basil.

As it turns out, the window in our bathroom gets really good sunlight. Sunlight that allows our basil plant to flourish.

And with an understanding flourish, I grabbed some basil from the bathroom and completed the mission my wife had directed.