Watch her Face

It’s my first Christmas with Jen. Our relationship is new, unique and imperfect. 

We’re in that gift-giving phase that requires a delicate dance of gauging the appropriate level of thoughtfulness without going overboard. Christmas shopping has required me to navigate unspoken rules of gift-giving, tiptoeing through a minefield of potential relationship pitfalls while hoping my choices will reflect the depth of my connection without inadvertently causing discomfort.

Jen has mentioned wanting a new watch. As one military pilot shopping for another military pilot, I feel I can confidently take that piece of information into my pre-flight and takeoff with a heading toward the perfect timepiece.

I set my sites on the watch that crosses off all the elements on the checklist: durability, accuracy, shock resistance and multiple time zones. Proud of my choice, I maintain a steady attitude and altitude as I approach the cashier.

I grab a few more impulse items, then land the purchase (and expend all my aviation word play).

Now on Christmas morning, in the cozy glow of lights, we sit in the battlefield of torn paper and discarded ribbons—the post-unwrapping carnage a testament to the sheer excitement and wild anticipation of gift exchange. 

Wrapping paper lay strewn like fallen soldiers, casualties of the joyful assault that had just unfolded. Yet, through the fog of shredded paper and decorative ribbon, one more gift stands tall, its uniform still impeccably intact. This is the big one, the potential landmine of well-intentioned uncertainty. 

A layer of anticipation clouds the air as I transfer control of the wrapped gift to Jen, who is hopefully still shrouded in mystery as to what’s in the box. (You all know it’s the watch, right?).

Opening gifts is a performance art of exaggerated enthusiasm and strategically timed pauses, especially when it’s the opening night of that performance. 

Jen rips through the paper, revealing the high-end watch brand name embossed on the box. 

The box hinges creak as it opens, facilitating the meeting of the watch and its new owner. 

This is the gift that reveals my taste in accessories or perhaps my perspective of her taste in accessories.

Jen’s eyes fall upon the new timepiece. 

It is a grotesque amalgamation of clashing elements, designed with an utter disregard for aesthetic harmony. Garish turquoise dominates the watch face, reminiscent of a cheap and artificial hue that screams for attention in the most obnoxious way possible. 

Every design choice was made with the intention of creating something defying conventional notions of good taste, making it an utterly unappealing accessory for anyone with a discerning eye.

Something I should unwrap for you all is that I. Like. Pranks. Like, a lot. That impulse buy I made when I bought the watch was another lesser watch. A much lesser watch. 

That watch is a stark departure from Jen’s preferred style, even I know this. Although, looking at Jen’s face, I’m not sure she knows that I know this isn’t her style.

Wasting no time, Jen removes the overwhelming visual cacophony of mismatched numbers and indecipherable hieroglyphics from the box and manages to close the clasp which is an overcomplicated puzzle requiring an engineering degree to operate.

Seeing her proudly grit through the discomfort of the watch’s strap, an uncomfortable blend of synthetic materials, combining scratchy faux leather with a bizarre, rubbery texture that clings uncomfortably to the skin, I now feel like my prank has backfired. That last minute impulse buy that I swapped for the real watch seems to be more Jen’s style … or she might be a shoo in for an acting award.

With each erratic movement of the grotesquely oversized hands on the dummy watch, I feel like my prank has taken an unintended toll on our first Christmas together.

The day goes on with Jen wearing that garishly hideous watch while I am equally amused and concerned. 

By the end of the day, the prank has entered the awkward hour, as displayed by the high-end watch still sitting unwrapped in the box that the other watch came in (the watch the store practically paid me to take away).

I unceremoniously unveil the real watch and Jen's entire demeanor undergoes a dramatic transformation. 

The tension that had been subtly woven into her every movement throughout the day dissolves, replaced by a visible wave of relief. Her body, once restrained by the pretense of liking the other watch, finally surrenders to a profound sense of ease.

I tip my hat to her for a royal flush poker face and a winning hand of emotional restraint.

While the prank didn’t go precisely as planned, it is now inextricably intwined in the story of our relationship, which has also brought us unexpected turns of events, bizarre sightings and other not-precisely-as-planned outcomes that have made our journey all the more interesting.

So here’s to realizing the best gifts are the ones that come wrapped in the genuine joy of being together and that true magic doesn’t lay in perfection but in the laughter and love that transforms mishaps into memories and new, uniquely imperfect traditions.